Guess I’m Not Your Cup of Tea

For some of us, school and college is an exhilarating and troubling time. We are trying to find ourselves, trying so hard to fit in and be accepted by those we label as ‘cool’ and ‘popular’. A time when we are getting to know our likes and dislikes and our dispositions as humans. It’s a stressful time, a happy time, and a time we don’t easily forget. A tumultuous time of friends gained and friends lost, of love gained and lost and of first heart-breaks. But we get through it and come out the other side stronger and more than a little curious. Then we embark on the next big adventure: University. Being a teenager or a young adult is far from easy. Fear takes over more often than not and makes us doubt ourselves and question whether we are worthy.

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Ugliness reared its ugly head when I heard something on the grapevine way back when: a carelessly whispered rumour, a snide comment that ate away at my insides like a moth larvae in a coat closet. It hurt really, really bad. Over-thinking, a speciality of mine, kicked in and led me on a little wild goose chase to find out who said it and why they said it; I wanted a chance to defend myself. It made me question the authenticity of every friendship made and every ounce of joy found within the school walls. We can drive ourselves mad trying to find out the source of those untruths, hoping that it will provide us with some closure, some sort of peace.

Once I’d left school and hopped over to University, everything changed. The people I’d met, the opportunities I’d had, all of the highs and all of the lows, it washed away any bitter memories of those who were less than kind. The reason why I decided to write about this is because I realised something very important: I simply didn’t care about what others thought of me… and you shouldn’t either.

We’re human, and as such every single one of us is blemished and flawed. My biggest flaw is possibly my need to over-analyse everything and doubt myself on every corner, enough to drive me bonkers. However, it’s all in my head. I am my own worst enemy. The sad part is the fact that I’m not the only one guilty of this; we all are.

It all boils down to this: what other people may or may not think of me is none of my beeswax, and vice versa. The more you care about what other people say about you, the more we give them the opening to see us saddened and insecure. Every single one of us is an amazing, interesting and a strong person and we shouldn’t let any one ever convince us otherwise. It will only rob you of your own peace.

Someone, somewhere, sometime ago may have said something about me. But, you know what? After a while, I really didn’t give a damn.

Photo courtesy of art director and designer, Jessica Walsh, via Instagram.

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. MM says:

    A really interesting post because you’re right in that our own sense of self-worth and value shouldn’t necessitate validation from the rest of the world. But my fear is that the world judges you on all of the things that other people know about you, not what you know of yourself. And in reality, that can determine, albeit arbitrary, success. Why do we need references for jobs? When a friend of mine introduces me to a new person, I’m willing to make a new friend because it’s my friend’s judgement of this person I’m basing my decision on. Even down to things like how you present yourself in public, studies have definitely shown that being more conventionally attractive (i.e. actually trying) means people are more likely to pay attention, people are more likely to approach you etc. Clearly balance is required but I have no idea where to start looking for it….
    What do you think?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. nimraimran16 says:

      I guess you’re right in that a lot of our characterisation for the world at large comes from what other people have to say of us. And it’s true that for success, a lot is based upon how other people perceive us, for example someone may make up their mind about you from a ten minute interview, and that can be a good or a bad thing. Bad in the sense that, if they perceive you to be less of a person that what they’re looking for, we would want to defend ourselves and we would know that we are worthy of the correct perception. But that’s where the unfairness of the world comes into play. In that way, we will never completely be able to escape from other people’s perception of us from the way we look, the way we dress, talk, walk or behave. Judgement is a part of human nature, and a part that sadly, more often than not, is used carelessly and harms others. That’s the issue I am trying to address more than how we perceive each others as humans. We allow ourselves to believe that what some bully says about us somehow defines us or our worth. I think that gaining that balance is definitely hard, but we can start by having belief in ourselves, that we are the only ones who can define our worth and I think developing a thick skin overt time also helps. If people do perceive you the wrong way and if you are sure you haven’t given them any reason to do so, then we should have belief in ourselves and our abilities and know that someone’s words, as hurtful as they may be, are just words. Words that we can brush off and shove under the rug if we choose to do so. But that in itself is something much easier said than done, so I suppose we all try in our own ways to remind ourselves that our worth isn’t defined by someone else’s opinion 🙂

      Like

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